Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Introducing: Operation 5

For those of you in the know, I've been on a self improvement kick lately. Now, I know you're all sitting there thinking, "Really, Charles? You were already so impressive - how could you possibly plan to improve on that?"

It's a good question. Let's go over what's been done already:

  • No smoking, drinking, or toking for 50 days 
  • Healthy eating 
  • Exercise every day
Family Sidenote #1: When I spoke to my mother recently about these changes - she seemed nervous. I can only assume this is because she knows I'm dangerously close to playing high and mighty with every member of the family who whines about eating healthy being hard or not having the time to exercise.... she's right to be nervous. They should get off their lazy asses. 

So, with smoking out - eating and exercise in - there's really only one thing left to do: Flirt. 

For those of you out of the know: I have no game. I mean NO game. This isn't anything new, either. It took me till 25 to realize that if a woman invites you into her place after a date there's a very good chance she doesn't ACTUALLY want to watch South Park.

Family Sidenote #2: I like to blame the previous paragraph on my Father. Apparently there's some basic "man shit" that people are supposed to learn when they're growing up. I pretty much missed all that. So I stumble my way through assembling things. However when it comes to understanding the whole "Showing your interested while not looking too interested" thing, or the "Treat a woman like shit and she'll love you for it" thing -- I never got the memo. You'd figure with his history of infidelity my Dad could have at least left me a manual or something like American Pie - right? God knows my grandfather tried with his, "Just talk to them - what's the worst that can happen? They say no?" speech. That never quite made it into my subconscious it seems though. Apparently, "Hey what's up?" is enough to make new friends and shit - but for some reason I'm a little more contemplative than that and the fact that I don't look like Thor (yet) gets in my way.

So with the understanding that I got game like Lebron in the 4th quarter of a finals game - I decided there's got to be a way to fix this. Operation 5 is my answer.

Operation 5: Five Women, every night, with five rules, that can be overruled by five of my best friends.

The Five Rules:

  • Every night I go out with other people to a public place of drinking, or beaching, or partying - I must speak to 5 women. 
  • I will not fuck any of them
  • The women can not be friends I already have
  • If they make some kind of OBVIOUS advance at me - they will be informed that I'm not having sex again until December - and can have a date if they want to wait that long. 
  • Waiting until December can be overruled by a 3/5 vote of my Toronto female friends (The responses to the text messages when I told them this were HILARIOUS)
So that's Operation 5. It starts the next time I'm out with a crew - likely Thursday. My intention is to blog about it every time I try it - but we all know how I do with hard targets on blogging. 

Footnote: Let it be known that part of my problem might "contemplative face" that I get sometimes when I'm out - where it's obvious I'm thinking really hard about something.... that shit's not sexy. People only say they want someone smart so their friends don't think they're superficial. 

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