Saturday, 30 April 2011

An Absurd Post-Election Scenario

A Facebook thread made me start plugging away at some post election possibilities. I quickly realized it would be more fun to just make on super absurd scenario, instead of a bunch of mildly absurd ones. Here's the scenario.

  • The Conservatives win a minority, and get through the first year with a budget with just enough support to pass
  • Stephen Harper is no longer the leader of the conservative party of Canada
  • The NDP is either the Official Opposition or the 2nd place finisher in popular vote. 
  • Michael Ignatieff is no longer the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada
  • Gilles Duceppe is no longer the leader of the Bloc
These are not super far fetched considering the overview we're getting of the new IPSOS Poll. Harper's inability to get a majority will lead him to retirement. Iggy's damaged goods. Gilles has been doing his job a long time, and the mass exodus to NDP means it's time for new blood.

So - this is an exercise in fun, not in realism. I'll make an effort to keep it quasi-realistic* (i.e. Jack Layton will NOT come into the house of commons dressed as a seal and be chased around by Jim Baird as he tries to club him.) but I'm definitely letting my imagination run wild with some of this.


Conservative Leader: Peter (Hey, I ran one of the merging parties too!) Mckay
Liberal Leader: Justin (Can't you read my last name, of course I'm leader!) Trudeau
Bloc Leader: Some French Asshole

So Peter McKay is in charge. Just for fun I'll say he's started a war with Saudi Arabia (for the sole purpose of confusing the hell out of the United States). He's introducing some kind of new measure that no other party can support (lets say... a 25% tax on any home power costs that aren't originating from oil) and are about to be defeated. Mini-Trudeau and Jack-Off Layton form a new party. We'll call the party "Left Guided Brilliant Tradesmen" or LGBT. So the LGBT's approach the governor general and with the backing (but not unwavering support) of the Bloc attempt to make Jack-Off the Prime Minister. Little do we know that the Governor General actually has a bet with the queen about how many times he can send us to an Election during his reign - so declines that request and sends us back into an election.

This results in Jack-Off leading the LGBT's to a majority government. Peter McKay noted that an election isn't a time to talk about serious issues, and the french asshole was caught waving a Canadian flag. So our new LGBT's are now in charge. The Christian right is super pissed, by the way.

Now the LGBT's want to reopen the constitution to change things to proportional representation. Conservatives and the Bloc are rallying like hell against the idea because it's sure as hell not in their best interest. Of course, this can't get done this way because not enough groups agree. There's issues in the east (like there is now) where fewer people have more representatives. So we go to a national referendum on the issue.

Of course, the result (much like Ontario) is that nothing changes. Some are sheeple, and others know it's in their self interest for things to say the same. Regardless - everything stays the same...

And the Conservatives win the next election. With a very angry Baird in charge.

*This theory lasted about one sentence.

Friday, 29 April 2011

A Completely Biased Political Post

I've grown tired of the local Conservative candidate - and it literally took one day. The straws that broke the camel's back?
  • I got two pieces of mail this week. One was a conservative attack piece - the other a defense in the form of a letter from the Liberal candidate. 
  • I saw two large lawn signs on one of the busiest intersections in the city that said, "On election day remember Liberals don't support our troops." Attributed to some random group.

On The Mailers

The Conservative piece had two sides to it. On one side - it's the "BRIAN MURPHY WAS ABSENT 35% OF THE TIME BUT STILL COLLECTED 100% OF HIS SALARY" thing. The other side I just found bizarre. See, I'm no campaign manager (obviously) but on the good side I'd have some stuff from our platform that shows how it's going to be awesome for the area. Instead, it just talked about what Robert Goguen had done in the area with various charities or employment and added, "We need Robert Goguen working for us at the Conservative table"

Is it just me - or is this a not so thinly veiled threat? What happens if we don't have Robert Goguen working for us at the Conservative table? Is it the Conservative table and not the house of commons that decides what's best for the country? Is this an acknowledgment that having a member in government creates special treatment? This seems like the appropriate place to direct you to the Parm Gill story. Special mention also goes out to the Tony Clement story. At some point if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck - we can acknowledge that it's a duck. The conservatives may want us to do DNA testing on this thing since they're absolutely certain it's a Moose like they keep saying it is - but just because we don't have DNA evidence doesn't mean we can't call the thing a duck. 

On The Swiftboating*

Has this really made its way to Canada? There's free speech, so I'm not about to start decrying why people can do such things. We know why - it doesn't make it reasonable. During the Bush years - Canadians would yell out over and over again that those kind of dirty tactics would never work here. That we weren't a bunch of sheeple just waiting to be led to slaughter. If Goguen wins this election - I will have lost faith in that. I'd prefer something at least a little funny. "On Election Day - Remember Liberals Hate Puppies!"

I'm sure the Goguen campaign will claim that they were unaware of these feathers on the duck and reiterate that the moose has a right to free speech.

*For those of you that don't know what swiftboating is: 

Sunday, 24 April 2011

Well this is(n't) new!

The election blog didn't work out... the marketing blog didn't work out... I'm completely incapable of writing about one topic. Therefore - I've re-branded this as "The Chollyer Blog". You'll find stuff about politics, marketing, sports, fantasy sports, drinking, dating, and random absurdity.

I'm not going to make any fanciful promises about posting every day - because that's highly unlikely - however when I have long form thoughts I'll put them here and likely link them on my twitter feed.

The Newest Non-Controversy Of The Election

Twitter is great. I enjoy being able to read what other people have to say (even the sheeple) and I especially like that it forces people to be concise. In and of itself, I feel like that makes me a better writer when I make posts. If I put something together that's 150 characters, I can always seem to find places I could have removed words, or find easier ways to say things. Twitter is constant though. If you have an active account - and are following enough (or the right) people - you're going to be getting multiple updates. In fact, I can see from another tab that while I've been writing this entry, there's been 24 updates. New stuff every minute - awesome right? Mostly.

Michael Ignatieff went to the Ice Dogs game last night and when shown on the Jumbotron was boo'd (and probably cheered too). There were not the usual 45 media at this event with Mr.Ignatieff, and some local reporters and fans tweeted about him being there and being boo'd. This turned into a full on controversy as anyone following my political reporter crush Kady O'Malley can attest. For at least an hour this morning there were calls from "The Twitterverse" of a conspiracy or coverup. Really? I mean REALLY!?

First of all: A politician - any politician - being boo'd at any sporting event isn't even close to surprising. That's not a story. In fact as far as non-stories go it's about on par with the sun rising in the morning. However - we now live in a 24/7 news world, and there's not 168 hours worth of news to keep people's attention out there - so things like this ARE a story now.

For the Mr.Ignatieff's part - he's played it off perfectly.

"Let's get the context right: we're in the middle of the third period in a closely contested game ... and some darn politician pops his head up on the JumboTron — I'd boo. It's Saturday night. They want to watch hockey,"

Me too, Iggy. Me too.