Saturday, 30 April 2011

An Absurd Post-Election Scenario

A Facebook thread made me start plugging away at some post election possibilities. I quickly realized it would be more fun to just make on super absurd scenario, instead of a bunch of mildly absurd ones. Here's the scenario.

  • The Conservatives win a minority, and get through the first year with a budget with just enough support to pass
  • Stephen Harper is no longer the leader of the conservative party of Canada
  • The NDP is either the Official Opposition or the 2nd place finisher in popular vote. 
  • Michael Ignatieff is no longer the leader of the Liberal Party of Canada
  • Gilles Duceppe is no longer the leader of the Bloc
These are not super far fetched considering the overview we're getting of the new IPSOS Poll. Harper's inability to get a majority will lead him to retirement. Iggy's damaged goods. Gilles has been doing his job a long time, and the mass exodus to NDP means it's time for new blood.

So - this is an exercise in fun, not in realism. I'll make an effort to keep it quasi-realistic* (i.e. Jack Layton will NOT come into the house of commons dressed as a seal and be chased around by Jim Baird as he tries to club him.) but I'm definitely letting my imagination run wild with some of this.


Conservative Leader: Peter (Hey, I ran one of the merging parties too!) Mckay
Liberal Leader: Justin (Can't you read my last name, of course I'm leader!) Trudeau
Bloc Leader: Some French Asshole

So Peter McKay is in charge. Just for fun I'll say he's started a war with Saudi Arabia (for the sole purpose of confusing the hell out of the United States). He's introducing some kind of new measure that no other party can support (lets say... a 25% tax on any home power costs that aren't originating from oil) and are about to be defeated. Mini-Trudeau and Jack-Off Layton form a new party. We'll call the party "Left Guided Brilliant Tradesmen" or LGBT. So the LGBT's approach the governor general and with the backing (but not unwavering support) of the Bloc attempt to make Jack-Off the Prime Minister. Little do we know that the Governor General actually has a bet with the queen about how many times he can send us to an Election during his reign - so declines that request and sends us back into an election.

This results in Jack-Off leading the LGBT's to a majority government. Peter McKay noted that an election isn't a time to talk about serious issues, and the french asshole was caught waving a Canadian flag. So our new LGBT's are now in charge. The Christian right is super pissed, by the way.

Now the LGBT's want to reopen the constitution to change things to proportional representation. Conservatives and the Bloc are rallying like hell against the idea because it's sure as hell not in their best interest. Of course, this can't get done this way because not enough groups agree. There's issues in the east (like there is now) where fewer people have more representatives. So we go to a national referendum on the issue.

Of course, the result (much like Ontario) is that nothing changes. Some are sheeple, and others know it's in their self interest for things to say the same. Regardless - everything stays the same...

And the Conservatives win the next election. With a very angry Baird in charge.

*This theory lasted about one sentence.


  1. Oh crap, wrong gmail account...this is Missy. Sorry.

  2. LOL!! Great post Mr Charles